Are you ready for this week’s absurdity? Here’s our Friday roll-up of the most ridiculous stories from around the world that are threats to your liberty, risks to your prosperity… and on occasion, inspiring poetic justice.
An actual medical journal says whiteness is “a malignant, parasitic-like condition”
“Whiteness is a condition one first acquires and then one has—a malignant, parasitic-like condition to which ‘white’ people have a particular susceptibility.”
Sadly, this is not an Onion or Babylon Bee satirical news story— but it’s becoming harder to tell the difference.
The Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, is a real academic journal which published a research article called On Having Whiteness.
The author is Donald Moss, Dean of the College of Integrative Medicine and Health Sciences, at Saybrook University.
“Parasitic Whiteness renders its hosts’ appetites voracious, insatiable, and perverse. These deformed appetites particularly target nonwhite peoples. Once established, these appetites are nearly impossible to eliminate. Effective treatment consists of a combination of psychic and social-historical interventions.”
The abstract notes that “There is not yet a permanent cure,” but perhaps scientists are developing a final solution…
CDC Director based US Covid restrictions on a study she misunderstood
The Director of the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), Dr. Rochelle Walensky, has consistently issued Covid-19 guidance that suggests there is a significant risk of Covid-19 transmission outdoors.
This includes forcing kids at summer camp to wear masks outside, and limiting the size of outdoor gatherings (except for mostly peaceful protests).
When Congress asked her what justified these mandates, Walensky cited a study that found less than 10% of Covid transmission occurred outside.
She used this to insinuate that close to 10% of Covid transmission occurred outside, which would be a huge amount.
After Walensky testified to Congress, one of the study’s authors, Nooshin Razani, took to Twitter to clear something up: actually, the data the study examined suggests that less than 1% of Covid-19 transmission took place outside.
But, the study was never intended to give an exact number.
Razani said, “Our main point: People should spend time outdoors to enjoy nature and be active. Being outdoors is essentially the best ventilation one could ever imagine, as particles have the space to infinitely dilute, disperse, and eventually essentially disappear.”
California county revises Covid deaths down by 25%
Alameda County California recently updated its policy on how to count Covid deaths.
Now the policy is to only count deaths directly caused by Covid, instead of categorizing anyone who died while infected with Covid as a Covid death. (That’s how a motorcycle death was counted among Covid deaths.)
The change dropped the number of Covid deaths in the county by 25% from 1,634 to 1,223.
Whether intentional or not, Alameda County has stumbled across a genius propaganda strategy: exaggerate Covid deaths when doing so gives your health department more power. But then minimize the Covid death toll when it’s all over to show how effective your public health response was.
Free Weed if you take a vaccine
You’ve heard of cities and states giving away ice cream, beer, and even a $1 million lottery in exchange for receiving a Covid vaccine.
The latest, however, is an Arizona cannabis dispensary’s “snaxx for vaxx” drive. They are giving away a free joint and marijuana gummy to anyone who receives a vaccination.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, West Virginia is now giving away guns, lifetime hunting licenses, and trucks in vaccine lotteries.
According to Twitter, access to Twitter is an essential human right
After Twitter deleted his Tweet, the President of Nigeria banned Twitter in the country.
To this, Twitter responded:
“We are deeply concerned by the blocking of Twitter in Nigeria. Access to the free and #OpenInternet is an essential human right in modern society.
“We will work to restore access for all those in Nigeria who rely on Twitter to communicate and connect with the world.”
This is an interesting position for Twitter to take…
The social media company has delivered permanent bans to a number of conservative users and organizations for apparently expressing opinions the overlords disagree with— Twitter never gave the actual reasons.
By Twitter’s own definition, it would seem that Twitter is denying these people essential human rights.
AOC complains that Trump didn’t help her abuela
The queen Bolshevik, Congresswoman from New York Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, took to Twitter to complain about the lack of federal support Puerto Ricans have received.
She shared pictures of her abuela’s (grandmother’s) home in Puerto Rico, with deteriorating, peeling ceilings and other damage.
AOC blamed Trump for the lack of federal aide to Puerto Rico following Hurricane Maria in 2017.
To this other Twitter users couldn’t help but wonder— why hadn’t AOC, who can afford to drive a Tesla, rent two apartments, and earns six-figures, help her grandmother out?
To prove the point about the effectiveness of private charity, blogger Matt Walsh started a GoFundMe which quickly raised over $100,000 for AOC’s abuela.
Seriously, the money was really going to be sent directly to AOC’s grandmother. But she and the family turned down the money, and it was refunded to donors.
Translation: We don’t want a solution, we just want more government.
Un-vaccinated students at prom labeled with a sharpie
Students attending prom at a public high school in New Hampshire were asked at the door for proof of vaccination.
If they had not been vaccinated, they had a number written on their hand in sharpie.
At the end of every 3 or 4 songs, the labeled students were told to raise their hand so their numbers could be recorded. This was ostensibly for contract tracing purposes in case someone on the dance floor later tested positive for Covid-19.
The list of students’ names and vaccination status— what should have been confidential medical information— was left out on a table overnight, for anyone to see.
As a reminder, a grand total of 54 children in the US have died from Covid-19, of about 4 million cases in children.
Diarrhea is a much bigger cause of death, which makes us wonder why the students weren’t required to bring stool samples and diapers to prom, in order to prevent the spread of the diarrhea-causing Rotavirus.
Microsoft “accidentally” blocks Tienanmen square “tank man” image
The 17 people in the world who use Microsoft’s search engine Bing found no results when they searched for an image of “tank man” on the anniversary of the Tienanmen Square massacre.
“Tank man” of course refers to the iconic image of a pro-democracy Chinese protester standing in front of a tank in defiance of the Chinese government.
Microsoft says it was an “accidental human error,” and not the type of intentional censorship China demands of any mention of the Tienanmen Square Massacre.
Yes that makes perfect sense. Someone must have ‘accidentally’ gone through all of the complicated steps involved to block that specific image from that specific search query. I’m sure it was all one big giant accident.
Of course that also means Microsoft has admitted that human employees can and do manipulate search results.