Brandon Entity Handlers Shorten Campaign Speeches Animal Farm-Style, Cite ‘Quality Over Quantity’
By Ben Bartee - May 05, 2024

Originally published via Armageddon Prose:

“We are Rome, Aztec Mexico, Easter Island paradigm
We are followers of Jimmy Jones, cutting in the kool-aid line
We are Animal Farm Pigs, we are a Terry Gilliam film
We are fear Oligarchy, we are wolves in wolves’ clothing,
We are this planet’s kidney stones
In the process of getting passed, metamorphosis from first to last”
-NOFX, Wolves in Wolves’ Clothing

Humpty Dumpty is broken, and getting more defective by the day.

Whatever drugs his handlers give him to wind him up have incrementally decreased in efficacy over time. Short of recruiting an actor to wear a Brandon skinsuit, there’s not much else they can do than this to mitigate the damage.

RelatedNightmare Before Christmas: Brandon Visits Children’s Hospital, Requests Lap Time

One irony among many is that, in addition to having given by far the fewest press conferences of any president in modern history, Biden speeches are already notoriously short.

Aside from utterances that by necessity exceed this time frame, like the State of the Union address, the Brandon entity’s handlers generally roll him out for appearances lasting under ten minutes, to deliver canned remarks (poorly) put into his head via giant-print teleprompters strategically placed behind the press pool cameras so as not to embarrass the administration.


Furthermore, the “shorter speeches to compensate for dementia” campaign strategy is not new; his handlers did the same thing in 2020 when he infamously ran his entire campaign virtually from his Delaware basement, allegedly for COVID safety.

Presumably, what they mean now is further shortening of his speeches.

Via Washington Post, March 2020:

Biden’s event in St. Louis, framed by the Gateway Arch, clocked in at around seven minutes Saturday. A short time later, at a windswept event in Kansas City, people were streaming for their cars after Biden wrapped up in 12 minutes. His longest speech of the weekend, in the gym of Tougaloo College in Jackson, Miss., didn’t quite make 15 minutes.

It is a seismic shift for Biden, 77, who in five decades of political office and three White House runs has never had a reputation for breviloquence. It’s a habit perhaps nurtured in the Senate, which prides itself on limitless debate and has a special term — filibuster — for talking endlessly.”

George Orwell’s Animal Farm pigs, for the record, ran the same game on the hapless animals after they commandeered the farm and turned into the very same species of oppressor they had led a revolution against: appearing less and less frequently for public discourse with their supposed equals until the pretense of democratic accountability was abandoned altogether and the autocracy went into full bloom.

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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