Originally published via Armageddon Prose:

Every time the Brandon entity’s handlers, on such rare occasions that they do, get it dolled up and properly medicated to present it for public viewing, the surrealness somehow incrementally increases.

Related: Halloween Horror: Brandon’s Mummified Corpse Rolled Out for Holiday Festivities, Given Unlimited Access to Children

Just when you begin to think nothing weirder could possibly emanate from the Brandon’s face hole — that we’ve reached peak postmodern reality distortion — it outdoes itself.

Here we have an appearance before the White House Tribal Nations Summit, accompanied on screen by a highly distracting sign language lady going to town with the hand gestures.

Below is an inscrutable, yet unsettling, portion of its remarks, in which it recalls with apparent fondness its airborne adventures with a little girl and her ears:

“And I directed federal agencies to work with you to address the missing and murdered Indigenous people.

At the same time, preserving important and ancestral Tribal lands. I restored protections from my predecessor — gutted by my predecessor at three national monuments: Grand Staircase and Beers Ear- — Bears Ears.

And, by the way, you know how that happened? I was in a plane, and a little girl came up to me. She said, “Mr. Pwesident” — (laughter) — “can you take care of Beaws Ears?” (Laughter.) And I said — I said, “Can I…” I thought she said can I take care of her ears. (Laughter.) And I said, “What, honey?” And she said, “Beaws Ears. It’s really important!” And guess what? She was dead right. And we did take care of it.”

Dear Lord, I pray it isn’t so, but were I a betting man, my money would be on Brandon having taken real good care of that poor little girl and her ears. That’s just the price of admission to Air Force One when Brandon’s in office.

Related: Handsy Uncle Joe Publicly Feels up ANOTHER Child

This probably makes me a domestic terrorist Deplorable or whatever, but it’s exactly this kind of talk from our elected leaders that fails to assuage my creeping suspicion that children are, in fact, despite CNN “fact checks” to the contrary, traded in the basements of D.C. pizza joints, or any number of locales throughout the greater metropolitan area.

How many of the 85,000 missing “unaccompanied minors” at the border end up in the loving care of D.C. politicians?

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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