Originally published via Armageddon Prose:

Karine Jean-Pierre, admitted diversity hire — she being a three-trick Social Justice™ pony: a POC, immigrant, and lesbian all in one economical package, with the bonus of having incestuously bedded down CNN news actress Suzanne Malveaux — is afflicted, appropriately, with three glaring problems, among many more minor ones, that the English language presents to her: the effective use of articles, modifying adjectives into comparatives and superlatives, and speaking in intelligible sentences.

Here’s the gobbledygook straight from the horse’s mouth, via The White House’s overworked mule of a transcriptionist, Feb. 6, 2024:

“So, look, a couple of things about that — the op-ed that — that we saw.  It is — it is unacceptable to actually put fo- — put to- — put together a bunch of people, honestly, and — and write an op-ed that is actually dangerous… 

The President has been — and his team — has been working around the clock to get this done.  We want to make sure we get those hostages home, including the American hostages.  We understand there are about six of them that are part of that — that are part of the — the folks who are still part of the Amer- — hostages — I should be more clear — that are being held.  We want to get them home.”

KJP wages brutal jihad on superlatives and comparatives (diverse, more diverser, most diverstest):

“Well, here — here’s the thing — well, it is a bipartisan agreement that is the fairest, the toughest agreement that we are going to see or has — we have seen in decades.  The text is out there.  The text is out there.  The Border Patrol union supports it.  The U.S. Chamber of Commerce supports it.  Republicans — governor — a Republican governor and a — and — and Democratic governors have put a letter to- — together — an op-ed supporting this bill.  It could not be stronger or more fairer…

 We’ve heard from Sen- — Senator Tillis, “You don’t normally make this country less safer for political points.”  This is coming from one of their colleagues…

We — I don’t think he could have been any more clear.”

Finally, here she is omitting the use of articles such as “a” or “the” prior to nouns, as she does with great regularity:

“We’ve had — White House officials, including the President, have been in contact with members of Congress.  We don’t read out, obviously, every conversation that the President has.  He has long relat- — long-time relationship — decades of relationship with some of those members on the Hill…

This is something that majority of Americans want to see: get — making sure that we get on top of dealing what is happening at the border, making sure that we fix a broken immigration system.  Doesn’t mean that we stop talking about it.  Doesn’t mean we stop pushing…”

Mind you, these pulled quotes of lingual barbarism are all from a single, hour-long press conference. Each and every such spectacle is another exercise in Holy War against English, America’s mother tongue and, if I might be so bold, a beautiful one when used artfully.

Of course, I’m not the most eloquent public speaker, so one might accuse me of throwing rocks from glass houses. Then again, my job isn’t spreading government lies at the highest level with the spoken word.

Related: Metamorphosis

It’s true that the Brandon entity’s handlers boxed him into a corner by making him promise to diversity-hire at the expense of competency, thereby limiting the pool of candidates for any given position within the administration.

But, given that basically half of the 350-million+ American population is now non-white and so, presumably, there are many more talented and more qualified Persons of Color™ ready and willing to spin government yarns in exchange for money and fame, it is perplexing why the token minority has to be her, given how poorly she performs.

Tucker Carlson recently speculated that the point of appointing she who would otherwise be a DMV clerk as head government spokeswomanofcolor is simply to humiliate the American public — a kind of power move in the same way a dog hoists his leg on a fire hydrant and urinates all over it as an expression of dominance — by subjecting it to her ramblings and expecting it to receive the nonsense without protest, any criticism from the well-heeled media liberal class (the one she is employed to launder government lies through) self-censored before it’s uttered for the cause of Equity™.

Related: Vogue Tosses Karine Jean-Pierre’s Diverse Salad

To be “more fairer,” if you will, to Karine, her staff dresses her immaculately. Each day she appears for the cameras in the height of fashion.

Alas, pigs and lipstick, etc. — you know the thing.

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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